I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
