I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
