I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
