I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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