What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
