If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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