can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
