Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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