How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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