we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
