How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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