I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
