Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
