Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
