my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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