I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
