I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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