I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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