I feel great
I just peed on a car
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
