apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
