Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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