I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
