I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
