Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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