He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
