I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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