Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
