my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
