Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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