i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
