will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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