Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
