had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
