me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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