I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
