Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
