in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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