Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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