There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
