it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
PANTIES FOUND
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