Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
