how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
