Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
