I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
