Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
