i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
