She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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