I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
