..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
