So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
