Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
