just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
