Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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