It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
