We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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