Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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