I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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