NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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