I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
