you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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