So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
