If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
