tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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