my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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