She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
