fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
