im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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