Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
