I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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