He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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