so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
