kristin has been a bad kristin
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
